The Gall!

The CIA is set to release a detailed report on its “family jewels” this week. When I was being taught hand-to-hand combat as a young Marine, my handlers often spoke of protecting my “family jewels” or destroying or crushing or grabbing the “family jewels” of an enemy. The family jewels, in the Marine Corps, were the testicles. The CIA, however, has just revealed that the family jewels reside in a pouch (its nomenclature in the medical field is “gall bladder”) about 8 inches above and to the right of where the Marine Corps taught me. The image above is actually a photograph of the CIA’s “family jewels.” That the CIA would make jewels of hardened, bilious gallstones is disgusting. But there you have it.
In the 600+ page report, the CIA chronicles its history of criminality in what CIA director General Michael Hayden called "a glimpse of a very different time and a very different Agency." If that statement weren’t so sickening, it would be funny. In case you don’t know or remember, Hayden was director of the übersecret National Security Agency, and he oversaw the controversial warrantless surveillance of people in the United States.

So the report supposedly details the CIA’s illegal wiretapping, kidnapping, torture and murder prior to 1975. A very different time, indeed. Included are the details of:

1. Confinement of a Russian defector that "might be regarded as a violation of the kidnapping laws."
2. Wiretapping of two syndicated columnists, Robert Allen and Paul Scott.
3. Physical surveillance of muckraker Jack Anderson and his associates, including current Fox News anchor Britt Hume.
4. Physical surveillance of then Washington Post reporter Michael Getler.
5. Break-in at the home of a former CIA employee.
6. Break-in at the office of a former defector.
7. Warrantless entry into the apartment of a former CIA employee.
8. Mail opening from 1953 to 1973 of letters to and from the Soviet Union.
9. Mail opening from 1969 to 1972 of letters to and from China.
10. Behavior modification experiments on "unwitting" U.S. citizens.
11. Assassination plots against Castro, Lumumba, and Trujillo (on the latter, "no active part" but a "faint connection" to the killers).
12. Surveillance of dissident groups between 1967 and 1971.
13. Surveillance of a particular Latin American female and U.S. citizens in Detroit.
14. Surveillance of a CIA critic and former officer, Victor Marchetti.
15. Amassing of files on 9,900-plus Americans related to the antiwar movement.
16. Polygraph experiments with the San Mateo, California, sheriff.
17. Fake CIA identification documents that might violate state laws.
18. Testing of electronic equipment on US telephone circuits.

The good news is the CIA no longer kidnaps, wiretaps, breaks in or spies on people. Just ask Khalid al Masri and Senator Jay Rockefeller. Or former CIA director Porter Goss, for that matter. It makes me sick that these SOBs stash the smoking guns for 30+ years, and then, after the smoke clears, they have the nerve to say, “That was then, this is now.” Over and over and over again, and the people of this country believe it and act like it’s ancient history.

But don’t you believe it. Same spooks then as now, mate.